One Word

It's the little things—the unspoken thoughts and a quiet whisper when it happens. And it's fast—just a moment, ONE moment, a sliver in time.

It happens when I compare

Or when I get scared.

Insecure. Beaten down. Lonely.  Lost.

I call on the truth of scripture, and I'm still insecure, beaten down, lonely and lost.  

Did I do it wrong?  

Maybe I should just sit here...  A little longer, eyes closed tighter, 

hands clasped strong.

It's an epic battle felt in my chest—my heart squeezing and releasing, blast by blast.  

How much longer can this go on?

I'm not strong enough to run this race. 

"Believe more, say it louder" they tell me.  

Nothing changes, now I'm deeper in disgrace.

And that is when it happens.  

It's just a moment, but it's the kind I can never forget.  

I expected a fury but a flutter is all I felt. 

It sent a shock wave deep into my heart...  And everything froze.

That's the moment that I don't dare speak.  Don't move.  I'm compelled to a powerful stillness.  

Take. one. breath.

It's a flood of presence.  All space is occupied around me and I can't move.  Loneliness is gone. Confusion, gone.  My pain ... Gone.  I can't fight, can't run, cant look away. Everywhere I look I see him occupying that space.  There's no escape, 

Even if I wanted it.  Only one choice, I must be still and acknowledge

It. Is. Here.

I hear one word, one blast like the crack of a cannon, 

And it fires straight at me with a force you can't fathom.

One word, That's all I hear.  In that moment when all this happens.  As it starts it rings like Distant thunder, as it's spoken it explodes around me, the windows of my soul shudder, 

And I'm terrified.

But not like before.

I feel the strongest force I've ever felt,

This word, the word it gives me is it's channel,

But the voice it's carried on reveals it's strength.

All fears all failures all pain all regret are challenged, then quieted.

Their previous torment seemed all-encompassing,

Now they're as nothing.  This voice, with it's word has sent the darkest of evils fleeing, now Their voices are silenced, annihilated.

That's the moment when it happens, 

When that word is spoken by that voice.

It's only me, and only . . . him.

Now I see, but mostly feel

An intense strength, everywhere, real.

He drew me in, starting with his word then his voice, the touch, and now my attention is Transferred off of me and onto him.

I'll never be the same again.

This is that moment when all is clear 

And I comprehend

What happened that let me get away from him.

That word he spoke that changed it all,

The quintessential inescapable. 

A reflection of who he is personally,

The very word that set me free . . .

Is a secret mystery, known only to me.

And that's our hope, our joy, reward.

Not a thing, a token, or secret password.

It's the intimacy we have with him,

That he speaks sweet words to us and forgives our sin.

So rage on darkness toward whatever extent.

Because my dear Jesus

Will

Not

Relent.

And just like that, the moment is over.

Chaos brought to order once I let Jesus bring closure.

Everything in me that pulled me down,

Was swept away at once

By the one with the crown.

It was a moment that brought life.

He carried me through

It came and it went.

Now onto breath number two . . .