On Corporal Punishment
"If you spare the rod, you hate your child" Proverbs 13:24
What does this mean? How should you discipline? What in the world could possibly be meant by the passage above? Who would think for a second that by NOT hitting your child, you are hating your child? Also, if you hope to teach your child later that hitting is bad, why is it alright for you to hit them now?
Hitting Vs. Spanking in Child Rearing
There are many differences between hitting and spanking and only one similarity; the moving of your hand.
Hitting:
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Proverbs 29:11
Hitting involves the expression of intense emotion. If a person hits their child it's because of anger or hate towards the child. This is bad.
Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer ~ 1 John 3:15
This type of action in no way agrees with the Biblical concept of using corporal punishment to rear your children. Hitting your kids will only cause them to distrust you, which puts distance between them and you. They will struggle to remember what they did wrong but will clearly remember the fury that was in your eyes. The more you punish them out of hot-headed emotion, the faster they will separate themselves from you out of strife and avoid confiding in you (Proverbs 30:33). Down the road, they might have a broader understanding of what is right and wrong but will be more concerned about keeping what they do from you instead of seeing the horror in the wrong they are doing. No doubt, this is opposite of what a parent should want. It is also the opposite response of somebody that is walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. (see 1 Corinthians 13:5)
Spanking:
Rule #1: Do everything in love
1 Corinthians 16:14
Spanking is vastly different from hitting. Not only are there differences in the physical action, but also in the emotion it carries with it. Proper spanking is not hanging your little girl upside down and letting her have it with a frying pan until she stops crying. It is also not violently grabbing your son out of your frustration and taking the stress that he may have caused you and putting it back onto him with a few slugs of your hand. Spanking is purely an expression of love towards your children with the sold purpose being to teach them what is God-honoring and what isn't.
Spanking is not violent but controlled. It is the expression of love toward your child and hate toward their offense. It should be done to teach the child the extreme error in their actions, in a way that assures them that you extremely love them while you simultaneously hate what they did. They should be spanked in a way that causes them discomfort for a short amount of time. (by the way, broken bones and seeping bruises and welts are not considered short-term)
Touching the Burner and Playing in the Street
When a child touches a hot stove she gets hurt. The pain involved with touching the stove is not only sufficient punishment to keep her from touching it again, but anytime she encounters the situation during her entire life, she won't touch it again without the realization that the effects of her action will hurt bad!
Parents and non-parents alike know that there is danger in kids crossing the road. Just one step into the asphalt without care could end someone's life. It could be the difference between life and death for that child! This is why we take it seriously. This is the same premise for taking corporal punishment seriously.
If a child actively disobeys you after you told them to not go into the street, failing to punish them correctly is the difference between loving and hating your child. A parent that hates their children will not punish them. Failure to tell them what they are doing is bad is the same as saying it is ok. If you think about the road crossing analogy, this is dangerously clear. A parent that loves their children the way God tells us to love (1 John 3:16), will be sure to punish their child, SO THEY WONT DIE! This is where the biblical argu
ment for temporarily inflicting physical pain on a child comes from. It is a very small example of what would come if they were to disobey...Namely, death.
A Child's Death from lying?
This is where the hammer hits the spikes in this discussion. How we punish our children is going to be based on how we see the world. If you believe that truth is NOT absolute and that lying to people comes in degrees where sometimes it's necessary and sometimes just cruel, you will punish your child based on that. Maybe a little lie will be 10 seconds in the corner, but a big one means no Wii for the weekend. Perhaps hitting should just be a time-out and throwing a fit means no ice cream after supper. What about a 1 year old that can't be reasoned with but keeps acting up consciously?
If punishment is to be given to a child to teach them right from wrong, then it is up to the punisher to know what that moral standard is. Although some would argue that there is no absolute standard in this area I would challenge them
to look within their own conscience to see what it says. Is it wrong to murder (different that killing)? Is stealing ok? Should rape be accepted? What you will find if you are honest is that you certainly do have a conscience that testifies to a standard of right and wrong. This natural, moral law didn't fall upon us by chance, evolution of thought, or agreement among people, is was bestowed to us long ago by God himself. If you want to see your God-given conscious at work take the Good Person Test, and see how you do.
The point is that this life we now live on this planet, is short. One day we will all die and come face to face with eternity. There will be more on this topic in another post, but for now I want to express the weight of disciplining your children. The Bible says that the wages of sin is death. Simply put, if we want to teach our kids to avoid death we need to teach them what sin is, and how to avoid it! Perhaps spanking isn't the best method of corporal punishment, but some sort of physical pain needs to be related to sin. Why?
Breaking the law = Sin
The punishment for Sin = Death
In most cases, pain is associated with dying. The agony of the body shutting down is not something that we look forward to. Rather, we want to live! We don't want to suffer! Nor do we want our children to suffer. Therefore, we should teach them to stay away from anything that leads to Death.
"How does something like lying lead to death?" The better question to ask is, "What is meant by death?" Death is the loss of life - obviously. However, the death talked about in Romans 3:23 is spiritual, and far worse than biological. This death is eternal separation from God, the giver of life. This death is carried out in everlasting torment, in a place called hell. God promises that he will punish sin. As his creation, we should attempt to mimic our creator in all areas of our life. As God is both all-loving AND wrathful, we should aim to always love people AND hate injustice at the same time. In punishing our children we give them a real-life picture of what God is like. To learn more about what God is like click here.
We ought to punish our children in whatever way is best so the
y can avoid death, and have life. This is the heart behind corporal punishment. It is a hope that they realize the extreme consequences of their error. Only in this realization can the wonder of Jesus Christ be understood. Then they will learn how extreme his sacrifice for them was, so they can have eternal life. Only in this Christ-centered model will disciplining your child help them turn from darkness to light. Helping them in hopes that one day they realize that only in the repentance of their sin and faith in Jesus Christ for that sin, will they truly be free and unbound by the chains of sin.
Sparing to inflict a certain amount of physical pain (see above) to teach your children right and wrong is a must if a child needs to be disciplined. If the child learns early on to obey and obeys well, the less they will need to be disciplined. I hope this is the case for you. But, when you see those defiant eyes testing you, think about what's best for them for eternity, and love your child enough to teach them calmly, and intelligently what is right and wrong through some method of corporal punishment. Think about how you would discipline your child now. Don't operate out of emotion when it comes time to discipline.
Things pertinent not discussed here:
How to spank? How often, and how many times?
What age to start spanking?
Spanking or squeezing or other forms of punishment.
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